


If I lost you

by BlueEyedSeraph



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Character Death, Love, Memories, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-12
Updated: 2014-08-12
Packaged: 2018-02-12 21:22:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2125113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueEyedSeraph/pseuds/BlueEyedSeraph
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing is worse than losing you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I lost you

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfiction is for my Cassie.  
> And I really hope you like it.  
> You said you want something sad. So I did it. ♥
> 
> Music: Shiny toy guns - Season of poison full album

Wednesday morning. Sam was sitting outside in front of his house, not really his house. The house of his boyfriend. But he is gone, forever. And it was his fault. He remembered the words which his brother Dean said. Actually he said to him “Seriously Sam, you should go out. You always sit here and you do nothing than staring to the road. Go in a damn bar, talk with a few chicks, have fun but don't just sit here. He don't come back to you! He is dead!”

His brother was right. He don't come back. But he can't stop thinking about what happened. It was all his fault. Sam sighed before he got up and he walked down the road to the cemetery. In one hand he held flowers and as he stopped in front of his boyfriends grave before he placed the flower on it. His eyes on the gravestone before he started to talk. “Hey Cas.. I hope you like the flowers. I miss you, but you already know that. Dean was yesterday there. Said I should go out”, he laughed a little and then he moved down to sit on the grass. “Do you remember our first day? You wore this beautiful blue shirt. In the same colour as your eyes are. I remember how I stared at you while you drunk a cup of tea and as you looked at me with your beautiful eyes. This ocean blue eyes and your perfect smile. I thought there was sitting an angel.”, he laughed again before he stroked his hair back. “I know in our relationship was never everything good. But I loved you. I loved you so much. And I did a really stupid mistake. But..you know, I wanted to tell it you. I shouldn't of have said all this things. I'm sorry. And now.. you're gone. I can't bring you back. Just because of me. Because of this stupid mistake. It's all my fault.”, he bit his lower lip and looked down for a while and then up to the sky. “Now you're somewhere there. Maybe you see me. I'm lost without you. Nothing. You made me complete.”, he stroked over his face. “We had so much fun together. I can't believe you're gone, love of my life.”, he slowly got up and looked at the grave again. “I love you.”, he whispered before he turned around and walked away.

 

_He looked around. “Cas, come on, where are you?”, Sam ran down the park and then he saw his boyfriend staying in the sun. Sam stopped as he watched how he spin in circles and Cas laughed so lovely. It was a beautiful view. Sam stepped closer and wrapped his arms around him. The black haired fell back against Sam's chest and looked up with a smile. Sam leaned down to connect their lips. It was a sweet, loving kiss._

 

As Sam woke up at 2:13 am he looked back to the empty side beside him. He raised his hand and stroked through his hair, sighing. Every night the same. Dreaming about his boyfriend and then waking up at 2:13 am. Slowly he got up and as he wanted to grab a shirt he somehow heard his boyfriends voice. He walked out of the bedroom and looked around. “Cas?”, he knew that was stupid to call him but he did it though. But no one was there as he turned around to walk into the bathroom he heard his voice again. “Sam..”, he turned back around but no one, again. “Sure.. now I hear his voice. Come on.”, he rested his forehead against a wall, eyes closed. “Sam..”, again his voice. “I know that you can hear me.”

Sam took a deep breath. “I'm just dreaming. That's all. La-la-la-la-la.”, he just said. “Sam Winchester! Listen to me!”, he shook his head. “That's crazy! You're dead. Because of me..”, he said and placed his hands on his head. “Sam.. that is complicated. It isn't your fault. Remember Sam. Remember on what happened in this night.”, then the voice was gone. But he didn't wanted to remember. He hated this night. So much. Sam closed his eyes slowly and tried to remember on this night. But he did. For him.

 

“ _Do you love me?”, Sam blinked as he heard his question. “Of course I do, Cas!”, he sighed and shook his head. “But you kissed a woman?”, Sam mouth fell open. “Yes- No. She kissed me. But I pushed her away, Cas.”, he saw that Cas was angry, upset, mad and sad. “Leave my house.”, he just said. “I don't want to see you. No more.”, Sam's eyes widen up and he gasped. He felt how his heart broke into pieces. “Cas.. No. I don't leave.”,_

“ _I said. GO!”, Cas voice angry and loud. “No, Cas. Please. Forgive me. This will never happen again.”, He saw that Cas frowned. “I can't. If you don't go. Then will I go.”, and with this words he ran out crying. It was raining heavily and Sam followed him. “Cas, come back. Please. Stop.”, he looked around and as he saw his boyfriend laying on the road, he yelled loudly. “Cas!”, he ran over to him. He just saw that someone drove fast away with a car. Sam knelt down beside Cas and pulled him in his arms. “Cas.. baby..Hey.. do you hear me?”, he looked down at him and as he saw the blood running down his forehead and cheek he stopped. “Shh.. Everything is okay, I'm here, stay awake.”, he looked around and saw someone walking down the road. “Help! I need help!”, he yelled but looked back down and saw that his boyfriends eyes are open. “Sam..”, his voice calm. “I'm so sorry.. Forgive me.”, the black haired coughed. “I will see you one day again.”, he smiled briefly. “I know that.”, Sam shook his head. “Shut up. You won't die. You stay with me. We will be happy.”, he felt a tear running down his cheek. “Silly..”, another cough. “Everything will be okay.”, Sam raised his hand and stroked through his short black hair. “I love you, Sam. W-we will see each other again. One day.”, he closed his eyes slowly. “Cas.. you won't die. I love you too..”, Sam held him close. “Hey Cas?”, he smiled a bit. “Help is coming. Do you hear them? Cas?”, he looked down again. “Cas? Cas?! Come on. Stay. Stay with me. Please. Don't leave.”, his tears started to roll down his cheeks. He just sat on the road, holding his boyfriend while he whispered his name._

 

Sam opened his eyes again his breathing was fast, too fast. The thoughts of his dead boyfriend, the pain, everything is hurting him. He can't. That was too much. He was tired. Tired of everything. Dreams. Not enough sleep. Sometimes he took pills to sleep longer. He went through all this pain, months and he couldn't take it any more, Cas was everything for him but, they will be together again. Sam then fell down on the floor and closed his eyes slowly. “It's time..”, he heard his boyfriends voice again, it made him so sleepy and after minutes listening to his voice he fell asleep but, never woke up again.  

 


End file.
